WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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