Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
