I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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