I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
send nudes
from the living room?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
