I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
