I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
