is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
