I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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