he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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