Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
honey bunches of taint.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
