i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
