People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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