Define "chronic" masturbator.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
