i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
time to smoke my breakfast
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
