how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
