so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
