Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
