i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How drunk are you??
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
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Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.