i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
