I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.