I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow