Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

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  (773): My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas. http://tfl.nu/zv1j
  Replies (1) Good night (627) Bad night (902)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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  (443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9
  Replies (3) Good night (702) Bad night (2723)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha how do you remember that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  HOW COULD I FORGET?!

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  (717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later. (1-717): Haha how do you remember that? (717): HOW COULD I FORGET?! http://tfl.nu/ylr0
  Replies (39) Good night (5539) Bad night (827)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.

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  (360): So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times. http://tfl.nu/ca4m
  Replies (5) Good night (4297) Bad night (568)
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  (909): View more from California

  he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

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  (909): he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman" http://tfl.nu/jaxb
  Replies (79) Good night (1526) Bad night (6907)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.

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  (319): Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/ata0
  Replies (15) Good night (4338) Bad night (623)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

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  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (7324) Bad night (1060)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

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  (717): Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think. http://tfl.nu/f6ax
  Replies (26) Good night (5404) Bad night (1569)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.

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  (918): I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains. http://tfl.nu/wys7
  Replies (7) Good night (2509) Bad night (779)
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  (212): View more from New York

  When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.

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  (212): When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too. http://tfl.nu/4mqk
  Replies (3) Good night (1124) Bad night (447)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.

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  (801): Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice. http://tfl.nu/sj9z
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (369)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we're breaking up

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  (918): Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash. (918): And we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/t8m0
  Replies (9) Good night (486) Bad night (1975)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.

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  (608): You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables. http://tfl.nu/khc5
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (249)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit

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  (309): trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit http://tfl.nu/sld4
  Replies (3) Good night (902) Bad night (368)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.

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  (302): apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask. http://tfl.nu/f2ag
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (194)

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