Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.

(903): View more from Texas

That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

video games are the ultimate cock blocker

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

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(360): View more from Washington

He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.

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(562): View more from California

So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.

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(408): View more from California

You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.

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(212): View more from New York

I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.

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