I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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