I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.