Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.

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  (808): i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon. http://tfl.nu/roae
  Replies (12) Good night (865) Bad night (1110)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."

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  (954): I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers." http://tfl.nu/vnij
  Replies (40) Good night (5478) Bad night (843)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

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  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (6171) Bad night (1256)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"

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  (214): I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt" http://tfl.nu/7s1k
  Replies (21) Good night (3832) Bad night (1257)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.

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  (716): I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas. http://tfl.nu/cqgv
  Replies (23) Good night (4589) Bad night (1318)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero

  (514): View more from Quebec

  like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride

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  (514): theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero (514): like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride http://tfl.nu/mbnj
  Replies (3) Good night (2154) Bad night (1223)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  When are you comin back?

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons

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  (253): When are you comin back? (1-253): probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons http://tfl.nu/lgag
  Replies (3) Good night (1946) Bad night (701)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4667) Bad night (1054)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

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  (360): Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people. http://tfl.nu/w1ks
  Replies (33) Good night (3055) Bad night (959)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.

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  (404): I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers. http://tfl.nu/2ka7
  Replies (1) Good night (1370) Bad night (488)
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  (+86): View more from China

  Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.

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  (+86): Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs. http://tfl.nu/vpgv
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (326)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste

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  (425): Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste http://tfl.nu/bd6y
  Replies (5) Good night (1468) Bad night (369)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.

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  (937): They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed. http://tfl.nu/xvv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1031) Bad night (381)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.

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  (954): Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat. http://tfl.nu/msv0
  Replies (10) Good night (1201) Bad night (286)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot

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  (973): I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot http://tfl.nu/bffj
  Replies (6) Good night (1074) Bad night (234)

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