We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.