ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  I just did the classiest thing ever.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  last time you said that you got chlamydia.

  Fav 19 1900 6823

  share tweet
  

• (601): View more from Mississippi

  You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

  Fav 33 7973 1366

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning

  Fav 20 5754 1282

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got

  Fav 20 1567 4388

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

  Fav 27 6460 1384

  share tweet
  

• (903): View more from Texas

  I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

  Fav 5 995 2451

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ......... Poor kitty

  Fav 9 1446 2275

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

  (347): View more from New York

  he is a god among men.

  Fav 53 8182 1335

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.

  Fav 3 735 1001

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.

  Fav 3 1957 1099

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.

  Fav 1 963 560

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (253): View more from Washington

  I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex

  Fav 1 820 515

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets

  Fav 3 678 636

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.

  Fav 2 363 810

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!

  Fav 2 39 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize