Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were destined to go to rehab together
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
