Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
