New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
