I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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