it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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