I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
