you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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