Moan for me like Helen Keller
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
