i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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