My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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