I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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