can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i out mim tonsoeep
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