I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
