am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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