went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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