This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
