Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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