Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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