im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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