Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
