why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
