i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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