shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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