Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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