Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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