no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
