Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A+ Viking dick
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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