Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
