We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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