i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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