were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
