Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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