I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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