Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize