So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
