Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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