I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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