wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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