I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
