I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
