she woke up with a sticky ear
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
