Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
handjob tips. give me some.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
