So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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