My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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