i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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