we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
