my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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