some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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