I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
