life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
