We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
