I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
